Off the Record is Gabbie Sarenas’s breakup letter. 

 

She’s sending the letter to herself— the bright-eyed Gabbie from seven years ago who was beaming with confidence and a deep well of creative ideas.  

 

There’s insatiable longing in partings. It’s mourning the loss of the best version of herself who has gotten her far in this journey. She clings to hope that she will eventually regain her former self, but the void keeps getting bigger the more she exhausts what remains of her. As she tries to get comfortable with the feeling of emptiness, self-doubt continues to pile up like the unused fabrics in the room which never got to encounter the genius of her hands.

 

The letter comes in 12 parts: belt, bigkis collar, pañuelo bags, anahaw tapis, long sleeved and vestida tapis, long and short vests. The heart breaks and it shatters. The garments are the shards of breakage– sharp-edged, geometric, and abstracted. Caught in limbo, her confusion becomes oblivion then oblivion becomes abstraction. The shapes start to make sense because she now sees things in abstraction the way Cubist painters view the world. Her outlines and structures speak of being on edge and of being on the verge but not completely arriving at something. 

 

Every now and then, she yearns for brilliance. The 17-year-old girl who designed her own gown for prom is finally living her dream, however, the fulfillment of that dream is an internal struggle she has to overcome at present. She relives moments of greatness in sadness. 

 

Will the letter reach her or will it be returned to sender? There are bridges she needs to cross. 

 

P.S. (Nagmamahal,) “I can’t afford to stop,” she says.

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Photographs by Vogue Philippines & Mega Philippines